"In my first job in mining, I saved my company millions. I thought I was on the fast track to success and happiness, but it all came crashing down. I had a toxic boss and it led me to turn in on myself. Day by day, my manager ground me down. He made me question my choices at work, then my purpose, then whether my life itself had any meaning..."
"Do not listen to people who have achieved nothing in life, especially if you are an overachiever and ambitious person, if you have a dream, run after your dream, God has plans for you and he gifted each one of us with something. My gift was in the arts and since I was 14 years old I’ve been after that dream, even if my own family has tried to “cut off” my legs. Fight for your dream, when things are being the hardest and you’re ready to quit, that is when you shouldn’t quit because big things are coming."
"At my worst, I would hurt myself so I had an escape and a release. There are points where I feel so out of control in my body that even breathing is a task. I hold my breath. In truth, I have night terrors about what my funeral would be like, who would show up? Would I be missed? Would people come out of the woodwork when I was gone? If I left this body here would I hurt less? I battle every single day with loss. Your mind begins to play tricks on you."
"What therapists would label as "mental health" issues—as I've aged and grown perspective in my life, I would have to disagree wholeheartedly. Unstable environments and adults that failed to protect me from predators were the sole contributors to my unstable years."
"I met my future husband when I was 26 but I never felt truly connected to him. I felt just as invisible to him as I did to everyone else. When we decided we wanted to have children, by some miracle, I was able to abstain from drinking just before and during my pregnancy. I coped by being very controlling, a shopaholic, and a workaholic. The twins were born when I was 31 and postpartum depression led me back to the only solution I thought I had: drinking"
"The pregnancy ended up being even more high risk than my prior ones and I was placed in the hospital for six weeks. Depression and anxiety returned as my young daughter bounced between family and friends during my absence. I missed her terribly and my body ached without her presence, but I pushed forward knowing that each day I stayed pregnant brought us one day closer to our baby."
"Being sober or being 'okay' isn't about becoming perfect. A lot of people expect to look better or earn more or fall in love and so on. Sure, it can happen - but those are not pillars to build yourself on, because they can fade. You need to do an inventory with yourself or a therapist, look into who you are that brings you such shame or guilt, and start confronting that."
"Don’t hate yourself for the trauma. The path to happiness is not a single one. There are many ways to be happy so the impossibility to turn back time before trauma does not mean you can never be happy. You can be happy again. You can trust others again. Don’t lose your hope to survive. Someday, you will be thankful for your past self who did not give up your life."
"Do you know how hard it is to be friends with a person who wants to kill themselves then 5 minutes later they're ok? It's draining. Well, I am that person. The struggle impacts me daily, however, last Saturday I had an epiphany that I've been working on and the days seem to be getting better."
"Shortly after the trauma, I started to isolate myself from the world. Experiencing anger with just about everything and everyone. Those closest to me sensed something was wrong. I knew something was wrong. But I was not able to identify what it was. Nor could anyone else. I continued to spiral out of control."