"Moments that should've been joyful or just neutral became shaded by this heaviness. Simple activities, like catching up with friends or working on a project, suddenly felt so draining. It was as if a constant cloud hovered, casting shadows on my usual upbeat self."
"What therapists would label as "mental health" issues—as I've aged and grown perspective in my life, I would have to disagree wholeheartedly. Unstable environments and adults that failed to protect me from predators were the sole contributors to my unstable years."
"No one ever seemed to get it. It was never about being skinny. It was the sense of numbness, false sense of control, and comfort that kept me addicted to the high of this cycle. I was eventually hospitalized and then sent off to residential treatment."
"The pregnancy ended up being even more high risk than my prior ones and I was placed in the hospital for six weeks. Depression and anxiety returned as my young daughter bounced between family and friends during my absence. I missed her terribly and my body ached without her presence, but I pushed forward knowing that each day I stayed pregnant brought us one day closer to our baby."
"I couldn’t allow myself to be happy. Even at my lowest weight (which is considered “underweight”), I hated who I saw in the mirror. It was never enough and it would never be enough because my actual body wasn’t the problem. I would never feel worthy until I gave that feeling of worthiness to myself. I always felt I was never enough. I was always anxious and nervous about food."
"When I started recovering, I realized that I had lost myself during that time. Not in a bad way but I had lost my confidence, purpose, and hope. That was when I came across a purpose mentorship program by a Zimbabwean author, entrepreneur, and purpose mentor Ralph Kadurira who has still remained my mentor to this day. The program was everything I needed to get back on my feet."
"If you struggle with social anxiety, the best way to overcome it would be to take small steps to face it. Go to places that make you uncomfortable and take a look around. You’ll realize no one is looking at you."
"When I was in the garden photographing the red squirrels I could forget everything and I found peace with myself and in my head. I also reached the national geographic finals in 2019. That motivated me to enter more photography contests and take my photography to the next level. I totally stopped drinking in 2022 just to focus more on my photography."
"Accutane came on the market in 1982, I began taking it in 1985, and in 1986 I was feeling very depressed. Accutane had a number of side effects, but the one that impacted me the most was depression; the stats say only 1% of people will have MDD while on Accutane. I was that 1 percent."
"I can’t begin to explain the depth of hatred I had for myself. I was working 80, sometimes 100 hours a week with overtime and I still couldn’t make it. Why? I had no friends. Why? I had zero prospects of a relationship and felt zero love from anyone. Why? I hated myself."