"I realized the feeling of never being seen, never having someone at school ask or mention how not okay I was, and the sheer invisibility I felt had to be addressed. I went back for more EMDR and was able to resolve that pretty quickly as well. Because that was a more complex and subtle trauma, it took a few months longer, but definitely less than a year."
"Drugs and alcohol were common place and I was constantly moving around. That’s not to say that my parents were using in front of me, just that it was fairly obvious as to what was going on. Because of this, I actually grew up attending AA meetings and was introduced to “recovery” pretty early on. Even so, I would go on to spend 16 years in an alcohol and drug-induced nightmare that almost consumed my life. Irony at its finest."
"When I got home, I was burnt out and severely depressed. I couldn’t get out of bed for a long time. My fiance took me for walks, helped me bathe, and brought me bland foods. With the help of my psychiatrist and therapist, I was able to get on a course of therapy and medication that finally helped to bring me out of my major depressive episode. I wasn’t truly fully functional again until some time in 2011."
"After a very emotionally taxing month for me and my fiance, I had an actual mental breakdown. Unable to stop crying, I voluntarily admitted myself to my local psych ward and stayed for a couple of days, ultimately being released after assessment. I realized that I didn’t want to die, I just didn’t want to feel the way I was feeling."
"Don’t hate yourself for the trauma. The path to happiness is not a single one. There are many ways to be happy so the impossibility to turn back time before trauma does not mean you can never be happy. You can be happy again. You can trust others again. Don’t lose your hope to survive. Someday, you will be thankful for your past self who did not give up your life."
"It's hard to feel happy when it's your own head calling you a failure. Since then I've been researching ways to help me feel better, and improve in all aspects of life. I know my journey is not complete, but when you've been dealing with all of this stuff since you were five, you tend to pick things up."
"Shortly after the trauma, I started to isolate myself from the world. Experiencing anger with just about everything and everyone. Those closest to me sensed something was wrong. I knew something was wrong. But I was not able to identify what it was. Nor could anyone else. I continued to spiral out of control."
"The defining moment came in December 2021 when I was diagnosed with PTSD, a diagnosis that would forever change my life for the better. I now had a thing…something which I could identify…no longer just treat the symptoms but finally dig down to the root cause."
"At 16, I found my drug of choice, methamphetamine, which I began shooting up at 17. I had a few years of somewhat reduced drug use for the first years of college, then slid back due to a multi-assailant rape and abusive boyfriend. I lived in increasing misery until I was 32."