My Journey From Constant Self-Doubt and Anxiety to Becoming a Bestselling Author

Hello! Who are you?

Hi! I’m Shelby Leigh, a bestselling author of mental health poetry books, and owner of Marketing by Shelby, which teaches other authors and creatives how to market their products on social media and build a community.

I recently got married, and currently live in Ohio, though I absolutely love travel (our honeymoon was to Spain and Portugal which was incredible!), and I also have a cute pet tortoise named Pancake.

My mission as an author is to help other people feel less alone in their mental health struggles, and my newest book, From Sand to Stars, is about the pressure of time and anxiety, so I’m really excited to chat with you today about my personal mental health journey of overcoming a lot of anxiety and self-doubt that held me back in the past.

What is your struggle and when did it start?

I have always experienced anxiety and self-doubt in many facets of life – relationships and friendships, career, speaking, and more. Around middle-school age (like 10-12), I became very aware of people possibly judging me, and therefore became very critical of myself, not only physically, but my inner self-worth too. If people liked me, if what I said was a mistake, etc. I overanalyzed everything and this impacted me into adulthood.

The more it overtook my thoughts, the less control I felt I had, and the quieter I got in school. It affected my ability to make friends all throughout high school (I was fortunate to have some wonderful friends, but I knew that I was not always being myself!) and even into college.

But college is when I started to see a glimmer of hope that I could become more confident, but that I needed to work at it, rather than let these thoughts overtake me. Even though I still experience anxiety and self-doubt sometimes, and have felt its effects in my career and relationships as an adult, it is worlds better because of the work I’ve put in.

In life after college, I am so much happier, more confident in who I am and what I do, and want to help others feel more confident too because I know how it feels to hold so much shame and disappointment for yourself.

How did this struggle make you feel at your worst moments?

Anxiety and self-doubt really impacted my happiness! I felt like I wasn’t even allowed to be happy because I felt unworthy of good things. 

I’m honestly not sure if others knew or noticed because I kept it inside. People definitely noticed (and commented) that I was quiet or shy or didn’t speak up much – which didn’t help! But nobody knew what was really going on in my head and I didn’t talk about it, but I did write about it and writing has been my safe space ever since!

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Was there a moment when you started to turn things around?

I can’t pinpoint one big moment, but I can pinpoint a bunch of little moments of action that helped me grow and improve. Rather than waiting for my circumstances to change (because they weren’t going to change if I didn’t do something), I took baby steps. This started in college, because I knew I didn’t want another 4 years like high school, and it started gradually. 

The first action I took was starting to write – I had always been a writer, but I was scared to admit it and I was scared to have anyone read my work. So the first action I took was sharing my writing online, anonymously, because I was afraid to put my name on it and be judged.

Those first pieces of feedback I received on my work motivated me and surprised me because they proved me wrong – I had been telling myself I wasn’t good, I couldn’t succeed. That was the starting point of now having over 500,000 followers in my community, being invited to speak at the 2nd largest book fair in the world in Dubai, book deals, and much more that I never thought possible.

And I continued doing more and more things that pushed me out of my comfort zone and slowly helped me be more confident.

What steps did you take to overcome your struggle?

What helped me the most was giving myself opportunities to prove myself wrong. Because all along I was full of doubt, and I lived in that feeling, rather than seeing if I was wrong. So I took small steps outside of my comfort zone.

These moments were times that I surprised myself, like when I had a panic attack about an upcoming presentation and ended up doing better than I thought possible – that gave me a boost of confidence. Or going to a social event where I didn’t know anyone and leaving feeling really great about the connections I made – that gave me another boost of confidence.

Over time, these little moments, these times I’ve surprised myself, have led me to doubt myself less. And the more I challenge myself and step out of my comfort zone and take action, little by little, I’ve gotten less anxious for presentations, for social events, for the things that used to make me panic. And that’s an amazing feeling – to prove your own negative thoughts wrong – because then they seem to come less and less.

Have you shared any of this with people around you in real life?

Now I have, but I didn’t for a long time. My husband and I have open conversations about how we’re feeling and when I’m feeling anxious, he’s the first to know. But for many years, I wrote about how I was feeling and shared it online, but not with anyone in my personal life.

And while it helped me feel comfortable being vulnerable, it didn’t help my ability to talk about it with friends. It can be really hard to be open and vulnerable with others because that means being honest with yourself.

But what I’ve learned from opening up is that I am far from alone. Many of my readers are experiencing the same feelings I have, and it helps them to see others talk about it, too. So I definitely recommend opening up to a loved one in your life, because it could be just what they needed to talk about, too.

If you could give a single piece of advice to someone else that struggles, what would that be?

I wish I had known earlier that I have value, worth, and important things to say. If you’re reading this, please know that you do, too.

Don’t let years pass you by without going after your goals or dreams because you’ve convinced yourself that they aren’t worth it. Amazing things can happen when you take baby steps toward your goals and challenge yourself. You’ll surprise yourself and be so glad you did!

What have been the most influential books, podcasts, YouTube channels, or other resources for you?

• I love Leila Hormozi’s podcast, Build. She gives incredible advice on leadership as well as setting and achieving your goals.
• Buy Back Your Time by Dan Martell is a book I recently finished that really helped me lean into leadership and prioritize/organize my days to pursue my passions and what brings me energy.

Is there anything else you think we should have asked you?

Reader, I’d like to give you a couple of challenges to try this week.

1. Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. Try to catch yourself when you speak negatively (either internally or externally) about yourself, and acknowledge it. You’ll find over time it happens less.
2. Step outside of your comfort zone this week. Think of a goal you have – whether it’s a personal goal, a career goal, a relationship goal – and choose one thing you can do this week to make progress toward it, even if it feels a little scary. You got this!

Where can we go to learn more about you?

You can read more about me and find my books on my website https://shelbyleigh.co/, or on Instagram and TikTok @shelbyleighpoetry where I post poems and share stories related to self-doubt and anxiety.

My company, marketingbyshelby.com, has great resources to check out if you are an author or creative wanting to feel more confident in your social media marketing.

(Photo credit for the photo at the top of the post: Brooke Nicole Creative Co)

💡 By the way: If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here. 👇

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