What The F*ck Is Wrong With Me? (No BS Advice & Examples)
Updated 30 December 2019
by Hugo: Founder of Tracking Happiness, marathon runner, data junkie and happiness tracker for almost 6 years.
This is a question that I've asked myself once or twice in my life now. What the hell is wrong with me? If you are questioning this right now, I want you to know that you're not alone. The answer to your question is likely complicated but not as harsh as you may fear.
What the fuck is wrong with you? Probably not as much as you currently think. I've been in this situation before, and usually, when we ask ourselves this harsh question, we are in a shitty situation that further affects our ability to think rationally. It will get better, I promise.
This article will show how you are probably not as bad as you think. I'm going to show you actual examples of people who have been in a similar situation, to show you what you can do right now to become happy again.
Table of contents
- When do you ask yourself "What the fuck is wrong with me?"
- What do all these examples have in common?
- Tips to help improve your situation
- Tracking happiness
- Closing words
This article is part of a much bigger guide on how to become happy that I'm sure is the biggest freely available guide on the internet right now. Chapter 8 details a lot of actionable steps that you can take today in order to be happier again tomorrow!
When do you ask yourself "What the fuck is wrong with me?"
Want to know the truth?
You're not alone in your situation. Every day, thousands of people wonder what the fuck is wrong with them, and they all eventually find their answers. I hope that, by showing you some examples, you're able to see how other people have been in a similar scenario.
It won't make your problems go away. But it will shed some light on how often people get to deal with challenging situations.
Example 1: Overwhelming depression
Here's an example that I found online on Reddit, which you may find familiar. This is an extremely interesting example of how a person deals with depression. In the end, depression is not something you want to sweep under the rug. You need to talk to someone about it:
Every time I think I'm getting my life back together, I manage to fuck it up for myself. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I just get work done without destroying it for myself like the dumb fuck I am.
From what (s)he is saying, it's clear that this person is struggling with a form of depression. This example continues:
My parents won't let me put my mental wellbeing on the top. Half the time they call me, I know they are going to want to talk about grades. Grades, grades, grades, until I want to scream my lungs out and throw my head through a wall. I've been allowed one mental health day this year - ONE - and that was for my first therapy appointment. Even on days I know I wouldn't be able to make it through, it's still all about grades.
Eventually, this person finds the help (s)he needs by seeing a therapist.
I should have clarified but I am freshman in high school, so there's not much I can do. I try to talk to my parents but they just say "well just get it done" or "you're being dramatic" and it's so frustrating. It's not like they don't care or don't love me because they do, they just don't know what to do. My mom started sending me to therapy because she was scared I would hurt myself but beside that she hasn't done much for me. Therapy is going fine and I'm going tomorrow. I think I'm going to tell her about my thoughts in self harm and shit like that. She's also been mentioning medication and I'm going to tell her I'm open to that too. I enjoy her, I think she's nice enough.
This is just one example of how a person could face so many challenges that you're starting to wonder what the hell is wrong. If you don't do something about a situation like this, it will only get worse. That's why I think it's important to see what happens to others in similar situations.
Here's another example.
Example 2: Feeling alone while having kids and being married
This situation is a little different from the previous example. This person finds it incredibly hard to feel good enough, even when she does have people that she can talk to. You may find a lot of resembling features between this example and your current situation:
Ever since I was a teenager I've never felt good enough. I was given a hard time in high school and never felt like anyone really wanted me around. Nothing's changed. I have a couple of friends but no one really close and I've always felt on the outside, like if I wasn't around they wouldn't miss me anyway.
i used to love my work but not anymore. A new employee started a year ago and she's just like all those high school bullies, sneaky and conniving and bitchy. She has talked me down to so many other employees that several have turned against me, it's like none of them can see what she is doing. High school all over again.
the last few days all I've done is put up a fake face when I'm around anyone and the second I'm alone I just cry. I wish I could just pack up and leave it all behind but I adore my children, they are the only shining light in my life.
What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I just pull myself together? Why don't I ever feel like I'm enough?
This situation is a little different from the previous example. No matter what happens to her, the person in this example doesn't feel good enough. Eventually, she continues:
Maybe I should see someone. But that would mean admitting there is a problem and just how bad it is sometimes. Logically I know I shouldn't feel any shame and in the past I've supported other people who've had mental health issues and gone to get help, but for some reason, I feel like my issues aren't valid. I've known a mum that lost a child to cancer. I know kids who've lost their mum. Those are real issues. Those are things people should get help for. So I had a hard time in high school, I'm sure lots of other people did too. Maybe I am just weak and feeling sorry for myself
There's a line in here that is really telling: "I feel like my issues aren't valid".
This person questions what the hell is wrong with her because she feels like her issues shouldn't be issues at all. Why can't she live a happy life like everybody else who also experiences challenges every now and then? What the hell?
Example 3: A personal story
Funnily enough, I've been in this situation myself a long time ago as well. I wasn't able to enjoy my life, despite seemingly having everything that I wanted. So why wasn't I happy? What the fuck was wrong with me? I had no motivation to do anything, and my life consisted of just going to school, playing videogames and going on endless walks. None of this gave me joy, but I didn't know what to do about it. I just couldn't understand why none of this was making me happy. What the hell was wrong with me?
I eventually got better, but it took quite some time actually. I think I could have recovered from this situation much quicker had I known more about situations like these, how you can deal with them and more importantly, how you can recognize the issues that you're feeling.
That's why I'm writing this article now.
Example 4: Another serious depression
This last example is maybe the most powerful in showing how a person can feel like everything is wrong about her. Here's how this person describes her feelings:
I will be making an appointment to see a psychiatrist soon, but wanted to write this first to get an idea if I can even be helped.
I think there is something wrong with me, like seriously wrong with me. I am experiencing several symptoms that I have never told anyone about. I have had a psycaitrist before, but I even lied to her and tried to keep up apperances. I want people to think that I am normal, and I do so much to keep myself appearing that way but I am not.
I hate the person I am and I am so sick of living the way I do. I want to finally be completely open and honest with someone for once. I hurts my pride a lot to do this, and that is why I am writing a letter first. I know if I just went into an appointment I would fall into the same habbit of not talking about everything and playing things off like they don’t bother me. All these symptoms bother me to an extreme. I am so frustrated with myself and have tried so hard to correct my behavior, but I can't.
Maybe someone who reads this can.
In her "letter", she mentions multiple symptoms that she feels are wrong about her, like:
- Excessive and uncontrollable daydreaming
- Emotionally numb and not able to feel love
- Feeling lazy and tired
- Forgetful and distracted
- Dislike for sex
- Dislike for other people in general
Again, this is one of the most powerful examples that I've come across as to how much these negative emotions can affect your life.
What do all these examples have in common?
There's one thing that I noticed when reading about all these examples, and I think you might be able to guess it.
In all these examples, I recognize different stages of depression which - funnily enough - a lot of these people don't want to admit. That's the thing with depressions, we don't know we are suffering from it untill it's usually too late. To make things worse, there is never an easy fix for depression.
I am in no way or shape qualified to further talk about the causes and effects of depressions, so I just want to refer to some great online sources about depression. If you recognize yourself in these examples, then please consider clicking the below informative sources that might help you conquer this condition:
- The Reddit forums for discussing depression
- Depression symptoms and diagnosis
- How to get help when dealing with depression
If you've landed on this page by Googling "what the fuck is wrong with me", then I'll be happy if I can get you to click on one of these links. It's very important to know that you are alone and that there are a lot of ways for you to be helped.
Maybe, you are not depressed at the moment. If you think this is the case, and you're a stubborn person (like me) and want to improve your situation by yourself, then here are some ways you can try to improve your situation.
Tips to help improve your situation
Again, you might question how qualified I am at giving you advice in your current situation. I get it.
However, I think I have a unique set of experiences from a couple of things, notably from running this website and interacting with its community. Also, I'm constantly trying to steer my life in the best direction by tracking my happiness every day (more on that later).
So if you're currently in a bad situation and wondering what the hell is wrong with you, then these personal tips might help you a long way.
1. Write everything down
This first step might sound rather anti-climatic. You’ve come all this way to find this article, and now you’re asked to write down your feelings?
Even though it might sound silly at first, writing down whatever is making you question what the hell is wrong with you will allow you to become more familiar with the issues you’re having. What do you even write about? Don’t think too much about it and just start writing!
Let me help you. If you are currently wondering what the fuck is wrong with you, I'm assuming you are unhappy at the moment. I want you to write that down! “I’m feeling unhappy right now”. That could be your first sentence. Now, ask yourself why. Why am I feeling unhappy right now?
“Because I feel unmotivated and don’t have any ambitions or goals”.
Or maybe it’s “because I feel overwhelmed and know that I'll fail at whatever I try to make it better”.
It could be anything. What I want you to do is to just start writing and keep going. Be critical and curious about the things you are feeling.
Keep asking “why” and soon enough you’ll have a clear idea of what issues are causing you to feel unhappy and stuck in a rut. Beware though, that asking yourself these questions can be very uncomfortable and confronting. With each new question of "why", you might start to peel off a layer that you've kept hidden for so long, that it may sting to honestly answer these questions.
But that's a good thing. This is the first step to diagnosing the real issues that you have. If you want to know "what the fuck is wrong with me?" then you must not be afraid to ask yourself these harsh questions as well.
2. Eternal happiness doesn't exist
At the start of this article, I mentioned that however you're feeling, you're not alone. Every day, there are thousands of people who are facing similar challenges as you are right now.
There's another thing that I want you to know: Eternal happiness doesn't exist.
It's important to realize that it's impossible to be happy all the time. Even the happiest person alive has been unhappy at some point. It's therefore good to understand that you are not alone when you can't seem to find happiness. Everybody struggles with this at some point, although some have more difficulties finding happiness again than others.
In a similar way, eternal sadness is also not real. Everybody has the capability to lead a happy life. Happiness and unhappiness coexist in this world, it's something that you need to accept as a fact. I've written an entire article about this topic here.
My point here is that the situation you're currently in will not last forever. If you're open to trying new things and willing to think positively about the future, you're able to shorten your road to happiness.
3. Improve your situation one step at the time
Change happens one step at a time. You cannot change your life overnight, which is something that might be difficult to accept. If you determined 6 issues that you want to change in your life, then you would be smart to only focus on 1 at a time.
Because you have to build habits. There's a chance that the things you want to change have been a part of your life for a long time already. Therefore, it will be difficult to change these things. You have to consider these changes to be long processes that require constant effort. Improving your life is similar to a marathon and not a sprint. You can't work on all these issues today and expect to be happy again tomorrow. Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that.
Let's say you want to start living healthier. This is, of course, a very big and noble goal, but it's much better if you could narrow it down into smaller sub-goals. Try to figure out smaller, more specific goals, like:
- Stop eating junk food on weekdays
- Spend 30 minutes exercising twice a week
- Wake up before 08:00 5 days a week
- Go to bed before midnight
- Take 5,000 steps per day
Notice how these goals seem much easier to accomplish? This makes it much easier to build lasting habits that will slowly transform your life in a great way. And it doesn't happen overnight. These goals can be narrowed down even further. An example:
Want to spend 30 minutes exercising twice a week? Start out with exercising for just 10 minutes tonight. Then, in 2 days, try to exercise 20 minutes. Next week, try to exercise 30 minutes, etcetera. Building habits isn’t about reaching your end goal immediately, it is about engraining doing that one thing you want to achieve every day.
It's difficult to build 10 habits at the same time. Instead, try to focus on one habit and once you feel comfortable, then continue to the next.
4. Don't give up after a bad day
So you had a bad day last week? Or maybe a terrible week in which you didn't do anything to improve your situation? Who cares!
We are only human, so we're bound to experience a bad day every once in a while. It's important to realize that everybody occasionally experiences a string of bad days in their life. What you need to when this inevitably happens:
- Don't let such a thing set you back.
- Don't interpret it as a failure
- Don't let it stop you from trying again tomorrow
You see, eternal happiness does not exist. Sure, we can try to be as happy as possible every day, but we have to accept that unhappiness is something that we have to deal with on occasion.
So what if you screwed up your plan today? Fuck it! Just do your best to get back into shape tomorrow.
5. See a therapist
This might not be the tip you are hoping to see here, I get that. You probably asked Google first ("what the fuck is wrong with me?"), hoping you'd find the answer there prior to seeing a therapist. I know, seeing a therapist is still considered to be somewhat of a taboo. But it’s dead-simple:
Therapy can help you in facing your demons and getting to the bottom of your issues. You should not feel too proud to go see a therapist. The negative stigma of seeing a therapist should not stop you from finding the help you need. In fact, a therapist might be just the thing you need on the road towards happiness.
Think about it: there’s no taboo on seeing a doctor when you are in physical pain, right? Then you definitely shouldn’t be anxious about going to therapy for something that you're emotionally struggling with.
Bottling up your feelings is the last thing that you want to do right now.
If you find a therapist that you can openly share your problems with and one that understands you, then just go for it. Here's a good link on how to find a therapist that fits you.
I want to mention here that I've been tracking my happiness for over 5 years now. What does this mean? It means I spend 2 minutes every day to reflect on my day:
- How happy was I on a scale from 1 to 10?
- What factors had a significant effect on my rating?
- I clear my head by jotting down all my thoughts in my happiness journal.
This allows me to constantly learn from my evolving life. It's how I purposefully steer my life in the best direction possible. And I believe you can do the same.
You can be happier. Discover how with my free template!
- Track your happiness every day
- Learn more about what makes you happy
- Receive my custom template for free
So, what the fuck is wrong with you? Probably - and hopefully - not as much as you currently think. I hope that you have a better idea now of the things that you are struggling with. I want you to know that you are not alone in your thoughts and that everybody has moments of negativity, insecurity and harmful self-talk on occasion. It's important to recognize that you are able to turn this around if you take the right steps.
Now, I would love to hear from you. Talking about your issues might seem difficult, but as we've discussed in this article, it's good to open up about it. If you're looking for someone to talk to, I'm always open to talk about this. You can either email me directly or drop a comment below.
Who runs Tracking Happiness?
My name is Hugo, and I'm from the Netherlands. I have a Bachelor's Degree in Engineering, a passion for data and statistical analysis and am an expert in happiness.
I've tracked my happiness every day for 5 years in a row. And I'm now using my knowledge to inspire you to prioritize your happiness. You see, I'm a strong believer in what gets measured gets managed. I want to show you what I - and many others - have learned while tracking our happiness.
My Happiness Essays have reached thousands of people around the world and have been shared in many places.
With my data, I have inspired hundreds of others to also track their happiness. And I'm hoping this number will only grow more!
How much of our happiness comes from within? How much of the factors that influence our happiness are within our control? If you’re looking for answers to these questions, this article is all you need.
What sounds like a very simple and straightforward question, is actually really fun and interesting to answer! How long can happiness last? I have researched my happiness journal in order to find a data-driven answer to this question!
I’m extremely happy to share this article with you. Here’s the inspiring story of how Justin gained control over his life by tracking his happiness. He’s been able to create sustainable habits that allow him to be the best version of himself!