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“As I literally lived on his couch, with my port-a-potty in his living room, my partner eventually applied for permanent disability status for me. But, even then doctor gaslighted me, told me I was physically able to work, and reported the same to the government. In reality, I was so dizzy with vertigo, this same doctor refused to let me walk to and from our car, by myself, fearing I’d fall and sue!”
“At 22 years old, I knew that I was dying of alcoholism. I accepted that. The trauma symptoms I experienced were too overwhelming to stop drinking. When I was sober, I would sometimes experience 30 to 40 body memories of being sexually assaulted–again and again in succession. I drank to feel numb.”
“Raising four young children and battling a chronic illness with no cure was challenging for me. On the outside, I looked OK. But I wasn’t and in some ways today still have flare-ups and struggles, the difference is, I now know how to maintain it, especially knowing this will be the rest of my life regardless!”
“I sat on the summer-hot pavement, and no one stopped or asked me if I was okay. No one called the police. People walked around me as quickly as possible. When I was all cried out, I walked home to my empty house. I bought a set of knives, ostensibly for cooking, but that was not the reason. I had thought about pills, and every day I researched how many of each prescription drug I was on would I need to take to die. Using a sharp knife seemed so much easier.”
“Beneath the outward bravado, I battled with self-doubt and kept wondering why genuine connections seemed beyond my ability. Even though I put out valiant efforts to conceal it, my inner turmoil seeped out, leaving me feeling exposed and vulnerable. And, I knew they could tell.”
“I’ve learned that finding the right people to confide in, those who offer genuine support and empathy, can make a significant difference in navigating these challenges. It takes time and trust to build those connections, but they are invaluable.”
“When the next depressive episode hit in 2018, I was devastated. How could this happen again when I thought I had it all figured out? I experienced some of the darkest moments of my life and a nearly complete loss of hope.”
“I felt prettier, smarter, funnier when alcohol entered my body so I simply continued numbing through the years. The progression of this disease of alcoholism turned into a nasty drug habit and those feelings of insecurity turned into deep darkness when I was “off my meds”. Or in other words, without alcohol or drugs.”
“It was like starting life over again, except you know how to do things you physically can’t do, which emotionally drains you. There was definitely a sense of resentment and feeling sorry for myself, I think that is natural. You wonder what you did to deserve that, you wonder if things are ever going to get better, you wonder how people will treat you. When you are confined to a bed for weeks on end, really all you can do is wonder.”
“After exploring ways to end my life, I resolved to slash my wrist. I retrieved a steak knife from the kitchen and pressed it against my skin. Yet, an unexpected sensation washed over me—a profound sense of peace, love, and joy.”