Have you ever met someone so sure of themselves and thought, “Wow, I wonder what it’s like to move through the world like that”? There’s a calm and collected aura around people who are self-assured. It’s almost as if nothing seems to faze them because they know exactly who they are and what they’re supposed to do.
To be more self-assured is to live life with certainty in the face of uncertainty. It’s interacting with the world from a place of being deeply rooted in your identity, your values, and your potential. Regardless of what life throws at you, you don’t shy away from confronting it because you are sure of your ability to overcome it. While some are taught by their parents how to be self-assured from a young age, many of us will have to learn this quality for ourselves.
The good news is that being self-assured is not an innate quality. In this article, I’ll explore what it means to be self-assured, its significance in our lives, and how to build this worthwhile human trait.
What does it mean to be more self-assured?
The term self-assured is often used interchangeably with self-confidence and self-esteem. All of these terms refer to belief in one’s self in some way. Self-assured is defined in the dictionary as “sure of oneself.”
Being sure of yourself means having a firm grasp of your character and your capabilities. To be self-assured is to be certain of yourself no matter what difficulties you encounter or what others say about you.
On the other hand, self-confidence is explained as having confidence in yourself and your abilities, and self-esteem is respect for yourself and your abilities. It seems that cultivating any one of these three will likely cultivate the others as well.
The importance of being more self-assured
To be sure of yourself is essential if you want to live life to its fullest potential. Being self-assured allows you to accept the uncertainty of life. And yet, you remain certain of yourself and your capacity to withstand whatever challenges come your way.
People who are more self-assured are more capable of asserting their voice. Research shows that self-assured daughters of feminist women are more likely to voice their opinions and stand up for themselves in their relationships. It found that the self-assured young women are willing to defend themselves even if it causes discomfort in the relationships.
Conversely, the opposite seems to be true. Another study on young women found that those who are not self-assured frequently doubt their own abilities and worry about their image despite being top achievers. Not being sure of yourself leads to questioning your own potential and character even when the evidence suggests you are highly capable.
How to be more self-assured
Learning how to be more self-assured is a lifelong process. Many of the following strategies to help you become more sure of yourself are journeys rather than destinations as well.
Here are 5 tips to help you become more assured of yourself, your worth, and your potential.
1. Become aware of limiting beliefs
Before we can become assured in ourselves and our abilities, we must first let go of the beliefs that hold us back. Self-limiting beliefs are especially harmful when we don’t even know we have them. We typically adopt these beliefs at an early age and they become so deeply embedded in our minds that we mistakenly treat them as absolute truths.
Maybe it’s an opinion that was subconsciously instilled in you as a child by a parent or an idea that society imposed on you as you navigated the complexities of adulthood. If your mindset is preventing you from reaching your potential, it’s possible you might have some limiting beliefs.
The first step to eliminating self-limiting beliefs is to identify them. Here are a few examples of limiting beliefs you might not realize you have:
- I’m not good enough. There’s no point in applying for that position or asking for a promotion at work because I already know the answer is going to be no.
- I don’t deserve to be loved. People always leave me because I’m not lovable.
- I have the worst luck. The universe is conspiring against me. Nothing ever goes my way.
Shining a light on your limiting beliefs can be excruciating. Sometimes, it’s easier to remain in the dark than to face the fact that you’re holding yourself back. Journaling is a great way to uncover any beliefs you might be subconsciously holding on to that no longer serve you.
If you want to be more self-assured, it’s essential that you become aware of any self-imposed limiting beliefs and let them go.
2. Reframe your failures
A self-assured person isn’t immune to failure. They fail from time to time just like everyone else. The difference is that they trust in their ability to deal with failure when it happens. Being self-assured means accepting mistakes as a necessary part of the learning process. It means recognizing failure as crucial to your success.
Your failures make your successes so much more meaningful.Guy Raz
If you usually beat yourself up after experiencing failure, remind yourself that your worth is not defined by your success. To try and fail at something takes a tremendous amount of courage. It’s better to try and fail than to not have tried at all.
Shift your perspective. Interpret failures for what they truly are: lessons. Each time you fail, you discover what doesn’t work or what needs improvement. You learn precisely what to avoid for your next effort and increase the chances of your success.
Moreover, failure builds character. Every time life knocks you down and you get back up, you strengthen your resilience. Our failures serve as reminders of all the times we refused to give up. It helps us become more assured of our ability to bounce back from whatever obstacles life places in our path.
3. Embrace your fears
If you want to be more sure of yourself, it’s a good idea to familiarize yourself with your fears. Fear is a natural part of being human. Sometimes our fear warns us of impending danger, but most times, it reveals what we need to work on in order to grow.
Fear is an indicator. Sometimes it shows you what you shouldn’t do. More often than not it shows you exactly what you should do.Tim Ferris
Instead of approaching fear as something to overcome or conquer, approach it with curiosity. Some common fears are:
- being emotionally hurt
Are you afraid of showing up as your authentic self? Your fear might be trying to tell you that you need to surround yourself with people who accept you for who you are. This could also reveal the need to cut off people who make you feel like you have to hide your true self.
Are you afraid of rejection? Rejection is a devastating, but normal part of life. Your fear of it might be a sign that you need to focus on building your self-worth. When you recognize your inherent worth as a human being, it becomes easier to handle rejection from others.
Regardless of your fear, it’s important to confront it rather than run away from it. Confronting your fears and making an effort to understand them builds a sense of empowerment. Knowing you have the courage to face these fears can help you become more sure of yourself and your abilities.
4. Find your purpose
Those who live life with a purpose tend to be more self-assured. This is probably because they’ve found their reason for being. It’s a lot easier to be certain of yourself when you know your purpose in life.
You know how every once in a while you do something and the little voice inside says, ‘There. That’s it. That’s why you’re here.’...and you get a warm glow in your heart because you know it’s true? Do more of that.Jacob Nordby
When you find your purpose, you move through life with intention. When your path is clear, the steps you must take to move forward become evident. This is why people who know their purpose are often self-assured. Discovering your purpose is no small undertaking by any means, but it can be done.
5. Dare to be different
The ultimate mark of someone sure of themselves is uniqueness. To be more self-assured, don’t be afraid to stand out from the crowd. Your quirks and your flaws are some of the most beautiful things about you–celebrate them.
The one thing you have that nobody else has is you. Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision. So write and draw and build and play and dance and live as only you can.Neil Gaiman
If you want to be more self-assured, then dare to be a little odd. The most interesting people in this world are weird in the most wonderful way possible. They do whatever they please simply because they feel like it.
Regardless of what people think, pursue the things in life that bring you joy even if it’s not conventionally cool or socially acceptable. When you’re self-assured, the opinion that matters most is your own.
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Being more self-assured doesn’t mean you’ll never have moments of failure, fear, or doubt. These experiences are an inevitable part of being human. By understanding what holds you back and living life as authentically as possible, it becomes easier to be sure of yourself during those challenging moments. Remember that becoming more self-assured is a lifelong journey. Be patient and appreciate yourself. Slowly but surely, you’ll get there in no time.
What do you think? Do you consider yourself to be self-assured? Do you have a specific tip that has helped you realize how awesome you really are? I'd love to hear from you in the comments!