5 Ways to Find Happiness After Divorce Again (Shared by Experts)

One of the most important things that helped me rebuild my life and find happiness after my divorce was recognizing that the label divorce did not define me as a person. It was just something that happened to me.

I come from a large family with lots of long happy marriages and despite the fact I didn’t want to divorce, I was still the black sheep.

Friends and coworkers had varied reactions, but I was branded by the divorce. This caused me to feel like a terrible person until one day it dawned on me that was all wrong. I was still a good person with gifts and talents to offer. Being divorced did not erase these things, nor did it mean I had to suffer forever.

It simply meant I had to tune the opinion of others out and tune in to what I knew was true.

I had been true to my spouse until he left, and I was still a good person, worthy of love, even though I was divorced. This was not always easy, but it made all the difference going forward and in rebuilding my life.

Today, I have been happily remarried for almost 22 years. So, don’t worry about what others think of you. Just remember your divorce does not define you, it’s just something that happened to you. You will survive.

After practicing as a divorce lawyer for over 30 years, I have witnessed first-hand accounts of this overwhelmingly heart-wrenching process on thousands of occasions. Nothing in my past experience had prepared me, however, for my own divorce. 

The key to post-divorce happiness is productivity. One cannot truly be happy without feeling productive. Start small, and celebrate each step of the way toward progressing through your day.

Bite off small projects if large tasks seem overwhelming. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself when setting goals and celebrate achievements as if you’ve just finished a marathon.

I took time for myself and avoided dating until I grieved and learned to love myself again.

Numerous feelings come with divorce regardless of whether you want the divorce or not. I experienced grief, anger, regret, pain, fear, loneliness, and embarrassment. In the first few months post-divorce, I tried to keep it all together, but it became challenging to show up as a mom, employee, friend, and community member. That was the beginning of my healing journey that included time, forgiveness, compassion, and, most importantly – love.

I began to do the things that I loved, including hiking in nature every day, journaling, reading self-healing books, yoga, swimming, meditating, cooking, and being with friends. I also took a few courses on healing after divorce.

Even though I still longed for a lifetime partner. I had a deep knowing that if I did not do the inner work, I would end up in a similar situation and repeat the same relationship patterns. I dug deep by taking radical responsibility for my part in the negative patterns of my marriage and simultaneously learned to accept and love myself exactly as I am. I also developed all of the qualities I was searching for in a partner, knowing that we attract what we are and what we put out.

After my divorce, I found myself drowning in the “what ifs” and “my life is so hard” thinking. I put myself into the victim role and lived that way for a while. Until one day, I told myself that I’d had enough of being sad and feeling sorry for myself. So, I grabbed my life by its shoulders and did something about it.

I started to look for the small, beautiful pockets of joy each day. I looked at the cracks on the pavement that formed mysterious, jagged lines with dandelions sprouting upward into the sun.

I started to keep a journal with me, which captured every little thing each day that filled me up:

• The smile from crossing guard at my kid’s school.
• The encouraging note from a colleague.
• The nourishing meal I enjoyed for lunch that day.

This small journal went everywhere. And guess what? When I started to focus on the small things, my feelings of happiness shifted. Today, this is a practice I carry with me. In fact, there are days when I not only write down these small pockets of joy, but I also verbalize to the people around me.

It sounds cliche, and it sounds like something commercial, but it’s one of the healthiest ways to start the healing journey. Reflecting on yourself, finding the root of the trouble, the root of your heartache, and exactly what you can do about it.

It takes work, effort, tears, and sweat, but it’s a tremendous step towards healing.

Reflecting on yourself includes:

• Learning ways to let go. In other words, learn to find ways to be mindful. Noticing and being grateful for the positive things in your life at the moment.
• See and notice things that make your life great at the moment. Not being blind to this fact that’s shaking your world. This is more like being aware of it, being aware of the fact that it’s in the past, while focusing on the present.
• Meditation. Don’t stop until you’re finally free of those thoughts.
• Exercise (physical activity) helps in releasing ‘positive’ hormones in your body, helps you in being more present, and having things to deal with other than something that drowns you in pain whenever you think about it.
• Not jumping into other relationships to fill the void.
• Surrounding yourself with people that remind you that you’re loved.