When it rains it pours.
Why did I decide to name this post like this? Well, because it fucking poured on the 8th of November, 2015.
According to the internet, this saying means that many difficult things always happen at the same time.
I was in a very challenging long distance relationship in November, 2015. My relationship was constantly disrupted by arguments, and the lows far outweighed the highs. Needless to say, I was feeling pretty unhappy. It was raining quite a lot in my tiny little world.
But after a couple of days, the rain suddenly got worse, and it started to pour. What happened? In addition to my relationship impacting my happiness, my body suddenly decided to say "fuck it", and I got a huge fever and an inflamed throat. My life was reduced to me shivering and sweating in my bed without being able to eat anything for a couple of days.
Normally, I would be able to increase my happiness by doing things I enjoyed: running, gaming, playing guitar. NOPE. Not anymore. I was not able to do anything at all, let alone things that I liked.
Below is the data that I entered in my personal happiness tracking journal. This is how I rated my happiness on this day.
Tracking Happiness data on 08-11-2015
|Date||November 8th, 2015|
|Comment||Another day in HELL.|
I still feel like shit. In addition to the fever, I also now have an inflammed throat. It's been a long time since I've been THIS sick.
I went to bed yesterday wearing my heart rate monitor. My resting heart rate is usually about 50. Well... During my sleep last night, the average was 95. I kept wearing it during the day, and the average was 110, while all I do is lie in bed... As soon as I get up to walk, my head starts to ache and my heart rate shoots up to 140. I'm actually afraid I might have a heart attack this way... But of course, I Googled my symptons, and the internet says it's just a part of my fever. I hope it is...
I just Skyped with my girlfriend again. It was difficult. I told her how I feel, and she told me how she feels. Even though we both have trouble relating to each other's situation, we are now feeling better about the future. Even though yesterday was total hell (I thought we were going to break up), the situation quickly improved a little.
I remember eventually asking her very explicitly: "Does this relationship have a future?" "Yes", according to my girlfriend.
The problem is, however, that I find it incredibly difficult to move on. My world still feels like a big dark void at the moment, and it's hard for me to look at the future instead of looking behind. We both have room to grow, I suppose. I know I do.
It felt good to end the conversation with a mutual "I love you"... Signs of life.
This is definitely to be continued... I still feel like shit. I'm staying home tomorrow as well, I can NOT go to work in this state. I feel like a train-wreck.
Going to bed now. Night night.
|Negative factors||Relationship, Sick|
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The worst day ever, again???
The happiness rating says it all, right? I rated that day with a 3,0. It was only the second time I had rated a day with such a low happiness rating.
I've dedicated an entire post about that other terrible day, and named it my worst day ever. It was the 9th of February, 2015, and I was burned out on a job I didn't enjoy in an environment in which I couldn't do any of my passions. It was truly miserable and another perfect example of that saying: when it rains it pours...
I don't want this to seem like some sort of childish competition, but the 8th of November was at least equally as miserable! I can't really compare these 2 days to each other, but on a level of happiness, I was feeling equally as shitty. Which day goes down as the worst day of my life is left undecided, I think. Let's call it a tie.
What happened after this day?
My girlfriend and I are still together, more than 2,5 years later as I'm writing this. We are very happy with each other, and both enjoy our relationship. Hell, I can honestly say I'm happy in love, as proven by my stastical analysis! 😉
If you would have told me back in November 2015, I don't think I would have believed you.
The road to recovery and a happy relationship was a long and bumpy one. It took quite a few months before I was able to let go of the past. You can read more about this story in My Personal Happiness section.
What this whole experience has taught me, is that there's only a finite amount of control you have on your happiness. Even though this entire website is dedicated to being able to improve happiness by tracking exactly what causes it, there's only a limited number of happiness factors which we can control.
My long distance relationship was extremely challenging at the time. Could I have influenced it and turned it around? Maybe. It would probably have included something quite drastic.
Could I have chosen to not become sick? I don't think so.
As much as I want to control happiness in my life, there's only so much I can do.
So if I go back to speaking in metaphors: when it rains, I might be able to bring an umbrella or put on a poncho. If it then starts to pour, I still won't stand a single chance at keeping myself dry. That's what life is about. We must try to steer it in the right direction, but there are some things you cannot control. All we can do is try.
I hope my (second) worst day ever can somehow inspire you just enough to also start tracking happiness.
If you have any questions whatsoever, please leave a comment below! I'll gladly answer any questions you might have!
Bad days: In the ‘Bad days’ post series, I will highlight some of the worst days of my life. Not just any days, but the days where I tracked the lowest happiness ratings. I will detail some of the journal entries and happiness ratings on specific below-average days. The goal of this series is to show you how exactly I am tracking my happiness. In a best case scenario, it inspires you to determine the added value of tracking happiness and therefore start for yourself.