Good evening, from the cold and rainy Netherlands, where the year 2019 is almost coming to an end. I’m happy you are here! 🙂
It’s time for another update of my personal happiness journal. This update will be about:
- More stress at work
- More stress at work
- Enjoying my weekends with friends, family and my girlfriend
- More stress at work
- Skateboarding whenever I have time off
- Almost breaking my hand while skateboarding
- Going to Copenhagen, Denmark for a small work-related trip
- More stress at work
- Counting down the days until a much-needed Christmas break
As you might have guessed, this month was not as happy as others… In this post, I’ll show you why.
This is how I rated my happiness over the last 30 days.
Even though I was still happy in November, it was significantly worse than my average happiness. In November, I rated my happiness with a 7.47 on average on a scale from 1 to 10.
Let’s dive right into a journal entry that provides a pretty good look into what November looked like for me. I wrote the following on the 12th of November, and I rated this day with a 6 on my happiness scale.
Same shit, different day. Busy at work, busy on the road, busy in my mind. Stress, stress, stress, stress, stress. I think I’m reaching my limit on what I can handle…
I went to the skatepark straight after work, since my girlfriend was away anyway. I skated for 10 minutes, before I was completely exhausted. No energy whatsoever. So I just ordered a plate of fries, hoping that I would regain some of my energy. It went much better afterwards, and I’m still getting better each time I go there. I can now do a 50-50 stall on the quarter pipe. Nice. 🙂
When I was ready to go, I noticed that I had some missed calls from my girlfriend, so I needed to get home. I tried one more 360 flip, but I wish I hadn’t. As soon as I landed, the board shot out from underneath me and I fall backwards. I tried to catch myself with my hand, but instead, I landed right on top of my hand with my hip. I felt my pinky and ring finger move completely in the wrong direction, and I felt a cold tingling sensation in my nerves. I pretty much knew I had just broken my hand. FUUUUUUUUUUCK. People around me asked if I was okay, and I said “I have no idea?!”.
I immediately went to get pain killers, waiting for my hand to turn blue, but it strangely never happened. It still fucking hurt though.
When I got home, my girlfriend told me her sister had entered labor, so we were heading to the hospital. Just an hour later, we saw our new nephew, alive and kicking. 🙂
We were home right around midnight, and immediately went to bed and crashed down. After all, the evening was pretty good, but I still feel like shit. I feel mega stressed again, and I feel like I won’t take this much longer. I’d rather quit my job than to burn out… Luckily, the end is in sight with the Christmas break coming up… I can’t fucking wait.
I’m afraid this update will be a relatively short one.
I’ll be honest. I’m pretty late with this update anyway, since this is the first time this week where I even have time to work on this website. The stress at my job is taking me most of my energy, and as a result, I have less energy to spend on the things I actually enjoy:
- Spending quality time with my girlfriend
- Socializing with friends and family
- Working on this website
- Planning for the future
Long story short: survival mode has kicked in.
What’s survival mode?
It’s something I’ve made up, to explain the state that I’m currently in. It means that everything I do is basically focused on short-term happiness. Since my work is destroying my mental energy, I find it very difficult to focus on my long-term happiness. That means that, instead of working on this website or working on my fitness, I’ll decide to spend my time watching Netflix instead. Why? Because it’s easy, amusing and doesn’t cost me any energy. It makes me happy in the short-term since it allows my mind to wind down a bit. But it doesn’t get me any closer to my long-term happiness.
I think I’ll stay in survival mode until I reach my Christmas break…
Why don’t I quit my job?
Some of you readers – I know you are out there! 🙂 – might say:
“Why don’t you quit your job if you hate it that much?”
The answer is that I would, if not for the fact that I’ll be quitting in about 10 months anyway. I talked about it in this article already, but my girlfriend and I are planning to quit our jobs to travel the world for a year. We’ve been saving a lot of money, and feel like now’s the time to truly do something great and memorable. We want to exit the rat race for a while, and this is how we’re going to do it.
Does my boss know this?
Hell no! But I’m getting closer and closer to telling…
The thing is, telling them I’m going to leave anyway doesn’t help my position. I’ve got nothing to gain from it.
I feel like it’s also a bit pointless to search for another job when I know already that I’ll have to leave it again in just half a year.
For now, my plan is simply to survive this year and take it much easier in 2020. I know this is exactly what I said at the end of last year, but it’s easier to manage now that I know that this will all end soon anyway.
But enough about my unhappiness!!! Let’s look at the things that made me happier in November! 🙂
Positive happiness factors
Here are the factors that had a positive influence on my happiness in October.
Here are some comments, in random order, that come to mind when I look at this graph:
- I’ve become an uncle for the second time in my life! Hurray for family!
- Skateboarding is again in the top 3 of my happiness factors! Even though I almost broke my hand trying to land a 360 flip, I still find massive amounts of happiness in skating. Here’s another short GIF of a cool boardslide that I landed last month:
I’ve still not managed to properly land a 360 flip yet, but I’m getting closer and closer! I just need to make sure that I don’t break anything, and I think I’ll get there before the end of the year!
- My girlfriend and I visited the Belgian city of Leuven for a cool weekend trip with some friends. It was a nice getaway from the stress at work. Many beers were had, many laughs were shared, and it was overall really great. Happy days.
- This website is growing very nicely. 🙂 This is something that secretly makes me very happy, since I’ve worked my ass off for almost 3 years now, trying to get this website looking good and nice. It’s currently gathering about 1,000 visitors per day, which is way more than I ever expected when I first started this. I’m not planning on stopping any time soon, though, since I believe this website still has muuuuuch more potential!
Unfortunately, my time is running out so I have to wrap things up! 🙁
Negative happiness factors
Here are the negative factors that influenced my happiness in November 2019.
What made me unhappy this month?
Two words: work and stress.
Well, looking at the graph above, there were actually a couple more factors that negatively influenced my happiness, but most of them are all caused by my unhappiness at work.
For example, I went on a 2-day trip to Copenhagen, Denmark for work. Normally, I quite like these short visits abroad, but in my current state?
Not so much…
Just a few more weeks, Hugo, then you’ll have a break!
Time’s up. I have to run again, so that’s it for this short update.
I’ll have more time to analyze December and the complete year in happiness at the end of 2019 during my Christmas break. I’m looking forward to learning about all the things that I need to stop doing. I already know one of them: stop stressing at work! 🙁
Pfew, that’s enough negativity for today. See you next month! 🙂